Ranger Night Patrol (Humor)

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Big Basin is California’s oldest state park.  Established in 1902, it is one of the few remaining kingdoms of the giant redwood tree.  In the early morning hours, ocean mist filters through the silent canopy of towering arboreal giants.  It is a special place, filled with natural wonders large and small.

I volunteer at the park, leading outdoor programs for visitors.  One of the benefits of being a volunteer is the chance to meet the people who make the place hum.  The curtain of tranquil forest conceals a flurry of activity.  It takes continuous effort from the dedicated staff to maintain the 28 square miles of forest, half dozen campgrounds, and more than 80 miles of hiking trails.

 

The Ranger is Your Friend

The public face of the staff are the park rangers.  It is a prestigious but demanding job.  They are a fun bunch, and we engage in lively banter as my groups glide past them on the trail.

They also leave a lasting impact on the park, itself.  Dan Friend was a ranger at Big Basin from 1973-1979.  He also volunteered as a docent after he retired.  His years at Big Basin long preceded mine.  Yet I still hear stories about him from the older docents and volunteers.

Ranger Friend was quite the storyteller.  I did some research and found a book he wrote chronicling his time at Big Basin.  The book is Confessions of the Night Ranger (out of print).  I have not read it yet, but I can imagine what it must have been like to be a ranger in the early 1970’s.

 

Night Patrol

This month’s park-volunteer newsletter features an old story written by Ranger Dan about his night patrols.  I don’t know if the story appears in his book.  But I want to share it with you because he does something I have always wanted to do.  He uses silent movement at night to have some fun with unwary campers at the park!

Here is an extract, in his own words…

 

camping_tentSome people go to the redwoods to relax and commune with nature.  Others go there to party and play loud music.  At Big Basin State Park we did walkthrough patrols of the campgrounds a couple of times each night to keep the partiers from ruining the communers camping trip….

 

On those night patrols I always kept my flashlight off so that people wouldn’t know I was there.  The element of surprise often made the difference between success and failure when it came time to contact the offending party…

 

… I walked past a campsite that was all lit up with a Coleman lantern.  I knew from experience that the girls within its light bubble had zero night vision, because their pupils were tightly constricted by the bright artificial light.

 

One girl was sitting on the old fashioned stone camp stove with her arms spread out.  The other two girls were sitting on top of the picnic table facing her.  It was so weird that I stopped to see what they were up to.

 

I moved in closer, right up to the very edge of the light bubble.

 

“Appear oh spirit” the girl on the stove implored.  A séance!  How cool I thought.  Again she implored the spirit to come forth.

 

“Appear oh spirit.”  Don’t say it again or I won’t be able to control myself I thought.  But there she went “Appear oh spirit” a third time.

 

Sure enough, I couldn’t contain myself and jumped right into the middle of their circle of light with my arms outstretched theatrically and exclaimed “Here I am!”

 

I don’t know what I was thinking.  I have a tendency to be impulsive sometimes and it’s gotten me into trouble more than once.  The séance mistress fainted and collapsed right off the edge of the stove, and the other girls let out a bloodcurdling scream.  Luckily I was able to catch the girl before she hit the ground.

 

How embarrassing!  I should have thought this out more carefully before I acted.  I apologized and stuck around long enough to ensure that no one had suffered any ill effects.  After a few minutes the girls began to think it was pretty funny too and even began reenacting the scene.  Lucky for me they were such good sports.

 

Have you had an opportunity to play a similar joke?  I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

 

Other Humor on NatureOutside

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Animal Tracking Joke

Animal ID Joke

 

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4 Comments

  • Jason McCutcheon says:

    i have a buddy who hunts and likes to take out new hunters. he will walk up to deer droppings and pick them up to look, smell and then taste what the deer have been eating. he will tell the new hunters to do the same, and make sure to get a taste of what the deer have been eating. pretty nasty, but it is a good lesson to learn about the habits of deer. and is a good lesson to trust your own instincts, because later on in the hunt he will pull out a box of milk duds, which look surprisingly like deer droppings.

    • Steve says:

      Jason, I occasionally play a similar prank. Mine involves teaching elementary school students about animal scat using a brownie-nut Cliff Bar. They’re momentarily startled but quickly catch on. Of course, I don’t let the children eat scat. 🙂

  • Steve Retired says:

    In the service I also pulled pranks. Muster was held every morning on a huge loading dock which was surrounded by gravel. A buddy, well 2 buddys helped me early the next morning bury me in the gravel. Only the face was plainly vidible but quickly covered by a command ball cap. I could hear during muster my name being called, but was excused due to duties and watch rotation. After muster and personnel being dismissed members passed by within 10 ft on a sidewalk. I heard my buddy yell at one of the females to “Pick that cover up”. When she picked it up off my face I yelled and at the same time grabbed her leg. She had an accident and was dismissed to change into a new clean uniform.

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